The Gifting of the Vibrator

Husband does not get hints.  If I make statements like, “I really like silver jewelry,” and “Oh, look, Kay’s is having a sale!” he will NOT put those things together to mean that I would like a piece of jewelry for my birthday.  Such information must be given to him bluntly and subtlety most certainly isn’t his thing.  That’s not a complaint, just an observation.  It sounds mean, but seriously, think Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.  No, I’m not kidding.  He even has his specific seat on the couch that is molded to him.  That being said, sometimes he fails at gifts.  This led him to ask for specifics when I want something.  He doesn’t want me to say, “Oh, I’d like something to help me relax,” or, “I think I might like to go to dinner.”  He wants me to say, “I want a massage stone,” or, “I’d like to go to dinner at that new restaurant.”

Eventually we all may have a bit of a diva tantrum when it comes to gifts.  I once received a kitschy cat mug that at first filled me full of rage.  Long story short, it was the kind of thing my mother would have collected, I’m not on good terms with my mother, and just seeing something that reminded me of her set me off.  I eventually liked the mug and now I actually use it.  See?  I’m not perfect.  Neither are you.  Or anyone else.  We all have our lapses in maturity when it comes to gifts.

I now want to point you to the article, My Husband Bought Me a Vibrator for My Birthday. It makes me a little sad.  You are free to go read it, but I’ll give you the highlights: She hinted to her husband that she wanted something for her birthday that would help her relax (she meant something like a facial, but…), her husband thought she would enjoy a really expensive vibrator*, he felt he did a really good thing,  he thought she was going to love it, she hated it and let him know in no uncertain terms that she did, he was confused, and she was super-pissed at the price involved.

Long story short, springing a sex toy as a gift on someone who hasn’t shown an interest in them is probably not a good idea, but she probably should have been a little more grateful if he really had her best interest at heart.

However, my main point is not gratefulness in gift giving.  The main point is the repetition of the old idea that women don’t like sex and don’t care about orgasms.  She even says in the article that her husband gave her the “boy answer, not the girl answer.”  The thing that irritated me most about this article is this statement:

And then I realised…that’s exactly what he did. He bought me the ultimate gift for relaxation except he forgot that for most women, orgasms come second to foot massages, books, chocolates and anti-aging facials.

Um…says who?  I might be going a little too TMI here, but if Husband and I don’t have our sex and orgasms, we, yes WE, he and I, get pretty cranky.  I don’t care for an anti-aging facial.  I could go for some chocolate but an orgasm is better, I like books but Husband is pretty awesome, and I can get a foot massage anytime but want an orgasm sooner.  What “most women” is she talking about?  I’m pretty sure I’m not in some tiny fraction of women that actually enjoy sex with their husbands.

I’m just sick of being told, and even women telling each other, that sex life in marriage is not a priority.  I’m tired of hearing that it’s not something we are meant to enjoy.  I’m tired of hearing that I as a woman should not think it’s important!  How, how, how could people still be telling themselves and each other that these things don’t matter?

*Note: He claimed that the vibe was around $200 Australian, which is around $206 US.  I’m pretty sure he’s either lying about the price or he was taken in.  There is now way that thing should have cost that much.  Please, always buy from a reputable dealer.


Comments

The Gifting of the Vibrator — 6 Comments

  1. I’m with you! So tired of the women who try to fit all of us in their little “sex is a drag” cubicle. Maybe it would behoove that author to spend more time having orgasms than writing crap like that 😀

  2. If my husband had gotten me a gift that I thought illustrated the fact that he hadn’t “gotten my hints”, I certainly would not have blogged about it. I can’t fathom putting anything up on the internet that shows such disrespect for a spouse. And that she assumes she is in some vast majority of women, and him in some vast majority of men also bothers me.
    Admittedly, my husband, who is an avid gift giver, gave me a very large very under-appreciated gift when we were dating, and I gently set him straight. I had learned from watching my parents that men do not get hints, and that expecting them to was a set-up for disappointment. If I really want something specific, I am specific. If I don’t really care, I let him know that it’s up to him. And if he got me a sex toy, I would be fine with that even though I’ve never asked for one. It’s the thought that counts, and my husband always puts a lot of thought into his gifts, so if a gift seems odd or inappropriate on the surface, I just need to think about it a little more, or put it to use, to discover what he intended for me.
    As for the girl who wrote that article, I fear there are some issues in her marriage that need resolving if it’s to last.

  3. Well…my husband really did get me a vibrating dildo for my birthday…as my only birthday present.

    I thought he was joking; he wasn’t…I was NOT amused.

    I’m not saying I’m not into that kind of thing, but what on earth was he thinking? I like hikes and books and so many other things. To me, the gift of a vibrating dildo was a poor choice in two ways. One, it would be like me telling him that he’s not good enough for me, and two, it certainly wasn’t a very thoughtful gift.

    I made him send it back without me even seeing it.

    Why couldn’t he have just taken me out to dinner or something?

    • I understand that if it’s not your thing or your preference, it’s a poor choice of gift, but I don’t quite get how this would be like telling him he’s not good enough?

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