Bedroom Misadventures: Episode 11

Today was not a fantastic day.  It actually started last night, when unforeseen circumstances caused very exciting plans to be cancelled.  The kind of plans that took quite a bit of prep work.  Then right before bed, I reached down to get something, but when I stood up I hit right by my kidney on an overhang of the kitchen counter.  The pain was so intense, I dropped to the floor and did one of those silent yell things.  You know the kind.  Husband rushed over and helped me up.  I ended up with an angry red line where it hit, and a bruise the size of my palm around it.  We put ice on it, called it a day, and hit the sack.  It was a restless night, since we tend to sleep against each other but I was now in too much pain.  He spent part of the night up and around, while I slept and had sad, stressful dreams that I couldn’t remember.

Today we still had a disappointment hangover (is that a thing?  I’m going with it.  Disappointment hangover), so went out to do some shopping with the kids.  We really wanted to go to a particular book store, looked up the hours, and found that we’d be arriving just as they opened.

When we arrived at the book store, we found a locked door and posted hours that were very different than their online listing.  So.  Well.  There’s that.  We kicked around to different shops for a while until they opened.  Not the end of the world, just mildly annoying when we were already feeling a little bit down.

We came home, and a little while later an enormous storm, half the size of our state, rolled through, with thunder and lightning and wind.  As we sat, just relaxing and listening to the rain, water started to pour into our living room.

You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me.

In the middle of the storm, there was nothing we could do except throw a towel down and watch it stream in from the ceiling.

“Call the roofers on Monday,” Husband sighed.

To try to decompress from the day, we decided to go have sex.  I reached over for my favorite lubricant (which is usually Sliquid anything) and remembered that one of the companies I had worked with sent me a box of Sliquid samples, many of which I hadn’t tried.  I flipped through them until I found one that said, “Sliquid Sensation.”  Yeah, that sounds good.  What I didn’t know is that one of the main ingredients in Sensation is menthol.

So, I put some on Husband, and we’re getting our bow-chicka-bow-wow on, when I thought to myself, “Huh.  This lubricant is really cold.  It doesn’t seem to warm to body temperature as well as the others.”

That thought was followed by, “Wow, REALLY cold.”  Followed by, “Now it’s warm.”  And finally, “HOT!  HOT!!  HOT!!!”

And then…nothing.  “You’re coming up too high,” Husband whispered.  “I can’t feel anything!” I replied.  We reached for a vibrator, a Magic Wand even, but felt very little.  My entire vagina/clitoris area had gone completely numb except for a persistent burning sensation.

At this point we gave up.  So to recap: Cancelled plans, big ow, stupid book store, living room puddle, burning vagina.

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