~I received this item at no cost.~
I’m not going to lie to you all: the cupcake vibe I’m going to review today does not have a particularly good reputation among sex and review bloggers. And by not a good reputation, I mean it’s to the point where Toy Meets Girl composed a list of bloggers at the end of her review [WARNING: Link contains nudity], all of which are raging against this seemingly cute little vibe.
But I thought to myself, how bad can it really be? I mean, really? So being the honest toy reviewer that I am, I purposefully put out of my mind anything I’d heard or read about this toy. After all, there have been toys that I’ve loved that other bloggers hated, and toys I’ve hated that they loved. With that in mind, I went in to test this Cupcake with the firm belief that it can’t possibly be that bad. Nothing is that bad.
Only, it’s that bad.
A little bit about it: The Cupcake vibe is made of silicone, has 2 speeds and three patterns, is not water or splash proof, and runs on 2 AAA batteries. The bottom red spotted “wrapper” and the frosting are both made from a velvety silicone, while the cherry on top is made from a glossy silicone.
What I loved: The shape is very approachable for someone that is new to sex toys and wants something completely non-sexual in shape. Well, it wouldn’t seem particularly sexual if it weren’t for the fact that the way the cherry looks on the icing kind of reminds me of breasts. Now it does for you, too. You’re welcome.
What I didn’t: Settle in. We have some issues here.
First off, the included manual that comes with the Cupcake says it has 5 speeds. Uh…no. It doesn’t. I’ve seen this kind of issue before with other toys, and it always annoys me. But back on topic, the Cupcake does not have 5 speeds. It has TWO speeds, and 3 patterns.
Second, how on earth do you even clean this thing? The manual says it is not waterproof or splash proof, and you can not use alcohol to clean it. Then how do you clean this thing after use? “Clean toy with a damp cloth only.” No. Just no. The thing is, sex is a messy business. It’s fun, it’s awesome, but it’s flat out messy. There are fluids! Lubricants! And these things get everywhere. A sex toy that can not be properly cleaned is a bad sex toy, plain and simple. And I need my toys to be clean, so I used alcohol on it, anyway. I’m a rebel.
Next, I don’t understand why the cherry on top is a different kind of silicone. I’ve had glossy silicone toys before, and yes, they do have a bit of drag to them, but this is the most draggy silicone I’ve ever experienced. It has so much drag that if I try to pull my finger across it, my finger won’t move. For the part that’s meant to go against the clitoris (you’d think, anyway), for it to be that draggy and skin-pulling is not only odd, but unacceptable.
Now, let’s talk the vibrations. They aren’t particularly strong. I’m not going to call them incredibly weak, just not strong, and certainly not strong enough for me. Further, the vibrations aren’t particularly felt where you think you’d feel them strongest. You’d think they’d be focused on the cherry, or at least frosting, right? Nope. They are insanely weak there, to the point where I could barely feel it if I put it on my clitoris. So, I turned it around and put the wrapper portion on my clitoris. A little stronger. Why would the vibrations be focused there? Why? But even more confusing, do you know where I felt the vibrations the strongest? On the edge along the bottom of the wrapper. Really. Along. the. edge.
So, did I orgasm from it? Ha! No. Not even a little. At one point I thought I was going to orgasm, and thought to myself, “Well, this isn’t so bad,” and then I realized it had nothing to do with the vibrations. When I looked down, I found that I had started rubbing it on me, and it was the rubbing that felt so good. Screw the silicone cupcake, I can do that with my fingers if that’s what I wanted to do.
Final thought: The Cupcake retails for just under $50, and in my opinion, not worth it. I even looked at some of Shiri Zinn’s other items to see if I could regain a little faith in them. After all, it’s completely common for really great companies to produce a dud every now and then, but have a lot of other stellar items. But I don’t understand some of the other products Shiri Zinn sells. For instance, a dildo with crystals glued on. I can only think what a pain it would be on your fingers and how hard it would be to clean. And then there’s this vibrator with a tail. Most of the toys with tails on them have been anal toys, but this isn’t shaped like an anal toy. If this is supposed to be an anal toy, it’s an unsafe one. But if it’s a vaginal toy, why the tail?
In the end, I’m going to have to say give this one a pass.
~I received this item at no cost.~